I am the driver everyone loves to hate. Driving behind me is your worst nightmare. Hell is eternally reacting to my rear brake lights.
I am proud to admit it. Shake your fist all you want, I’m not moving.
- I believe in observing the legal speed limit, even on I-95, which is 55 mph through Wilmington. If that is too slow for you, take it up with your senator.
- If I am going the speed limit, I am justified in staying in the left lane. No one should be going any faster. Don’t bother flashing your lights. I already know you are an impatient, lawbreaking cretin. I will stay there all the way to the nearest Costco.
- Mr. Brown, our driver’s ed. teacher, taught us to leave at least one car length for each 10 mph of speed between us and the car ahead. If you are tailgating me only two car lengths behind while we both are going 50 mph, I will slow down to 20 mph in his honor and for your safety. You do not intimidate me. Do you understand my thumb-to-the-nose gesture? The wiggling fingers is for emphasis.
- When driving my wife’s Prius, I will do all I can to save gasoline based on the instrument displays as the manual says I should. I will do 60 mph down a hill marked for 35, but go up the other side at 10 mph so my average speed stays under the 35 mph limit. I see you in my rear view mirror. Is your face always that red? My left turn signal will be flashing. I turned it on when the car was new five years ago and never found a need to turn it off. Keeps other drivers on their toes.
- If you are behind me on the 2-lane Kennett Pike coming out of Wilmington, sit back and enjoy it’s charm. You will have plenty of company with others stacked up behind me. There is no opportunity to pass all the way north to Baltimore Pike. If you are in a hurry, you should have picked another route. Whoppie-tie-yie-yay, git along little dogies. It’s your misfortune and none of my own.
- When I see a red traffic light ahead, I will take my foot off of the accelerator and coast up to it. If there are two lanes, other drivers often swerve around me and race up to it, then brake hard and wait in line. I soon meet them again, only I am still moving as the light changes and easily pass them. Who is the crazy one?
- When I flick on my turn signal. I am telling you what I am going to do. I am not asking for your permission. If I have the right-of-way, you had better get out of my way.