Well, excuse me for obeying the law! I know we’re on I-95, but the speed limit is still 55, no matter what these other crazies are doing. Okay, okay, I’m only doing 30 right now, but we’re going uphill and I always let the speed drop going uphill. I’ll be doing 80 downhill, so it all averages out. If that backup behind us bothers you so much, don’t look back. Duh!
Don’t tell me again it’s 90 degrees and humid. The air conditioner kills the gas mileage, so forget it. It’s not free energy. Yes, the same goes for the fan. And keep that window closed! Opening a window creates a lot of drag. Summer’s almost over, so you’ll have plenty of time to be cool later.
Besides, I need to concentrate. It’s getting pretty dark, and it’s hard to see without the headlights. Burning headlights burns gas. Oops! What was that? Doesn’t matter. We’re safe. That’s why we got a white car. And shut off that radio. You want music? I’ll sing for you. Want some news? Obama’s ruining the country. What else?
I’ll go back to being a nice guy when this trip’s over.
Whoa, that was close! I didn’t see him coming. But, no blood, no foul. I hate stopping at stop signs. It takes a load of gas to get rolling again. DON’T SHAKE YOUR FIST AT ME, BUDDY! Idiot.
Ah, finally, here’s our street. I need you to get out and push. Why? Why do you even ask? Look at the gas mileage. Over 70 miles per gallon! Woo-hoo. What a great car. Makes driving fun again.