I’ve always been labeled an underachiever, but there is one activity where I excel. I am a great seashell thrower, and now, at my age, I am ready to pass on my secrets.
Hold your thumb and forefinger of your throwing hand in the shape of an L, as if signaling someone as a "loser." Find a Jersey Shore clamshell whose sharp, long edge snuggles right into that L with room for your forefinger to hook onto the top. The outside of the shell should be up and the "umbo," that oldest pointy part where the hinge was, face in the direction of the throw.
The trick now is to throw it sidearm so that it leaves your hand level and spinning rapidly. Done right, it will sail straight out, even slightly rising, then slowly roll inside which causes it to abruptly climb, curve sharply to your opposite side, and drop quickly into the ocean with a satisfying "thunk."
Once, I even hit a seagull on the wing, although I never thought I would actually hit it and instantly regretted the throw. As I released the shell, leading the seagull by a good fifteen feet, the paths of both were set for their inevitable collision in a startling, soundless burst of feathers just a little above the sunlit breakers.
We are just as clueless as the seagull. Will you be ready to dodge the unseen, unsuspected seashell already approaching your path? Look sharp!